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11. The Demander:
“Description: You owe me — I was there when you needed me, now I need you. You owe me. Sound familiar? Isn’t it strange we think of ourselves as kind, caring, giving people – but at the same time we feel you owe me for my ‘kindness’? The fact is we want to build up a credit balance for future use — we’re trading –we’re exploiting one another. That is neither nice nor kind.”
“Response: Never play trading games with people. If you really want to do something for someone — do it! — no strings attached. If you don’t — don’t! No one owes you and you owe no one. Clear cut, pure and nice!”
“47. Knowing what you want and expecting it ruins relationships and life. When we resist any event we are getting in our own way. Remember, Life is the Teacher and we are the students.”
“62. Never blame any unhappiness you feel on anything but your own lack of Higher-Understanding. This is the beginning of Higher-Understanding.”
“66. There is nothing more beautiful than one’s naturalness fully developed. There is nothing uglier than unnaturalness fully developed.”
Be Interested in Your Life in a New Way
“Let’s suppose somebody walks in and gives you more work than you can do. Does it make sense to get up from wherever it is that you are, and go over and stick your finger in the wall socket and shock yourself? Does that make any sense? Of course not. But that’s what we do! That’s what we do inwardly to ourselves. If something we call ‘bad’ happens, if we don’t get our own way, if someone doesn’t treat us the way we think they should, we immediately adopt the strange procedure of putting our finger in the wall socket – psychologically speaking. Somehow we feel that if we get hurt, if we hurt ourselves, then that validates our self-picture of being right. We think it proves ‘I’m right!’ No, all it proves is that we hurt ourselves, unnecessarily. That’s what it validates.
“It was not the incident or the other person or the amount of work we had to do or anything else outside of us. It was how we reacted to the outer event. Blaming anything else just avoids the problem and keeps the whole painful thing going.”
Tool 4 — Conserve Your Energy
“Energy and Light are synonymous. In order for the Inner-Light to shine brightly, we must not waste our energy. How do we waste energy? Through all kinds of negative feelings, negative thoughts and actions. No matter how large or small, they rob us of vital energy. Negativity damages our bodies and our spirits.
“Negative energy can be transformed into useful, healthy energy. Here’s how: The next time irritation or anger tries to get you to do something on it’s behalf — don’t do it. Simply refuse to go along with it. Say to yourself, ‘Not this time. I’m not wasting my health that way anymore.’ Don’t argue with the accompanying negative thoughts. Don’t resist the feelings or the thoughts – stay above them and just observe. They are not you! Remember, this applies to all negativity including depression, feeling sorry for yourself, guilt, etc. Besides the obvious physical energy level change, think of how much better you’ll feel psychologically.”
“19. Comfort: Human beings are driven by the desire for comfort. Always remember when you’re dealing with anyone, if you say or do anything that threatens their sense of comfort you’ll have a fight on your hands. Don’t push people psychologically. They’ll resist and push back. Use tact, slow down, take your time and introduce new ideas to them gradually, so they’ll feel at ease with you.”
“24. Environment: Correctly so, people are concerned with the health of our natural environment. However, what could be more important than our psychological/spiritual environment? Yet, few are concerned. There is never a right, healthy time to feel bad. Cheerfulness is a nice, healthy environment. People who spread pollution with their gloomy spirit should be avoided. They will pollute your spirit.”
“33. Questions: Maybe you have already noticed that people will ask questions, but almost never listen to the answers. Why? They are only interested in answers that confirm them and their way of looking at things. If the answer challenges anything about them, the wall goes up instantly. Of course, they will swear they really want to learn and are all ears. They most likely will be able to quote word for word what was said to them, but they never really heard a thing.”
“The fact is that we are both the source of the problem and the victim. Our unawareness of our inner-world makes it a perfect breeding ground for problems of all types. Because we are sure the source of our problems is outside of us, they easily ambush us from within. If we get our feelings hurt, get angry, get depressed, etc, — it’s an inside job. Nothing outside of us is hurting us. We hurt ourselves because we are frozen in our beliefs. If we will allow the Truth to thaw us, then we can catch ourselves in the act. Catching yourself in the act is the beginning of the end of hurting yourself. And in a relationship, if both people are catching themselves, the two of them can breathe new life constantly into the relationship. In life, everything is either getting worse or getting better. Working on oneself ensures that your life does not go downhill, but to the contrary, goes delightfully uphill to the beautiful mountaintop.”
“It is strange how human beings miss the most obvious facts about their negativities toward others. A hateful man seldom reasons, ‘Hatred toward others makes me miserable, so in the name of common sense I’d better abandon it.’ Rarely does a resentful person think, ‘Resentment of other people drains my strength and destroys my mental powers, so I’d better clear it from my life.’ Negative feelings so cloud a man with darkness that he cannot see what he is doing to himself.”
“There may be times when a problem in finances or human relations seems like a mountain in comparison to the particle of truth you presently possess. Don’t believe it; not for one second. Behind that particle is the Whole Truth, which does not give power to a problem, as unalert minds do. Open yourself to the vastness of the Whole Truth. Start by refusing to listen to the noise of a problem, for this enables you to hear an instructive message originating in a silent place above the problem.”
“‘You say we must react rightly to suffering. What is a wrong reaction?’ ‘When you resist it, hate it, fight it, try to escape it with some frantic exterior activity.’ ‘Why are those reactions wrong?’ ‘Because they prevent you from understanding the whole process. And that is why you suffer over and over again. If your car breaks down, do you walk away and pretend there’s nothing wrong, or do you work at understanding the mechanical failure in order to repair it? Why not face the inner breakdown and correct it?'”