Win While Losing (audio)

The following is an excerpt from Murray Oxman’s book, How to Tune Up Your Life:

CactusTool 9 — Win While Losing: This is truly one of the most wondrous and important tools you could ever undertake. It’s all about letting everyone else win. We all love to straighten other people out — tell them what they should be doing etc. Here’s how this tool works: The next time someone, anyone, tries to straighten you out, don’t defend yourself. Let the other person win. Listen politely. Don’t even resist and argue inwardly. (You never know, they might be right.) What we do know is that defending ourselves is a waste of our life. It makes us weak. Try the tool for a few weeks and see if you don’t feel better in general. It takes a while to understand that defending yourself gives your power of self-command away. There’s real healthy strength in this tool.

When you’re ready to go to the next level with this tool, try this: Anytime someone ridicules you, insults you and/or makes you look foolish, let them get away with it. Simply observe your negative reactions and impulses and do nothing to set them straight. They wrongly think they won, but you secretly won the power and serenity of self-command. “Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me,” you say? You’re right. This is very difficult to do at first, but stick with it. When you least expect it, you’ll succeed and be glad you persisted. It’ll be more good fun than you’ve had in a long time. Plus, remember you were told early on — this is for a very special kind of person. One who is desperate for Real solutions to life’s problems.

At this point you’re probably asking yourself what’s so important and wondrous about this tool. Here’s the answer in the words of the New Testament: “Judge not and you will not be judged; condemn not and you will not be condemned; forgive and you shall be forgiven; give and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back.” (Luke 6:37-38)

Who you really are, your True Nature, could care less when others win the ego-victory. Your true nature is not of the competitive egocentric world. When you consciously allow your ego-self to lose, your True Nature wins.


  1. Steve on December 16, 2018 at 4:54 am

    This psychological is one great tool. The lifelong habit to not looking foolish keeps everyone foolish and because nobody talks about this “other way,” it continues to remain hidden from everyone. Be one of the few to see this freeing secret in action and the inner freedom it delivers to your being. To be right upfront, it is absolutely not fun for your egotism, but for your higher self, it is what you have yearned for all your life – True Understanding. Everything will be explained to you by these higher insights that comes your way.

  2. Gina Machovina on December 17, 2018 at 3:17 am

    I am so grateful for this True Life lesson from Murray Oxman! Wow ! How fortuitous to have at my fingertips a method by which to separate from the real villain in my life: that nature that always must defend, fight, and argue to preserve it’s existence. In Reality, the True and holy nature I want to align my efforts with, needs no promotion – What a relief…! It is complete already, I just need to make room for it’s trouble-free existence.

  3. Steve on December 24, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    WARNING: If you work with these marvelous Truth Tools you will be relaxed and content with your present life. Not that you won’t want to improve everything, but your actions will not be born out of your desperation. Your good old friends; stress and anxiety won’t be able to handle the happy vibes of happiness and will depart.

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