flower meadow

You Can Have a Nice Life Anytime You Want It
(from Murray Oxman’s How to Beat the Stress and Get More Out of Life ~

Most people like their lives the way they are.  And part of it is, they like to feel bad, they like to get angry, they like to get negative, they like to argue, and then they like to blame it on other people.

Christ said, “Physician heal thyself.”

Isn’t it a fact that all of us, throughout our lives, have always given ourselves advice on the next thing to do that’s going to fix our life?  And, isn’t it a fact that the next thing always almost does it?  But never quite does.  So then we have to have the next thing, and then the next thing.  And the next thing, and the next thing, on and on and on.  Right?  But it just never quite fixes it.

Would you go to a doctor for thirty or forty years who never quite helped you?  And every time he charged you!  Wouldn’t you lose faith in that doctor?  Yes, you would.  The point is — when are you going to lose faith in you treating you?

“Physician heal thyself” means the one that’s giving you the advice, which you call you, is the problem  Where you’re getting your advice is the problem.  The one that’s trying to help you is the problem!

There’s something wrong!  That’s what I’m trying to say to you.  There’s something wrong here.  And here’s the beauty of it — when you see what’s wrong as being wrong, you don’t have to do anything.  Again — never be afraid to entertain the idea that maybe you’ve gone wrong. Maybe you don’t know what you think you know.  Maybe you’re wrong about everything!  What’s wrong with that?

Look!  I’ll give you a perfect example.

Here I am sitting someplace, and let’s just say I’m enjoying some ice cream.  Somebody comes in and says to me, “You’re already too fat.  What are you doing eating that ice cream?”

Then, a thought comes to me and says, “Are you going to let him get away with that?”

What was the problem?  What the person said?  Or the thought?  Which was it?

The thought was the problem.  When you see that the thought is the problem — is there anything to do?  Do you understand?

That’s the problem.  That’s it!  That’s the problem.  I don’t have to listen to that.  I don’t have to say anything to that person.  I can just go on eating my ice cream.  And that’s the end of it!

Inner Life Exercise

Don’t add but subtract!  Don’t try to add anything psychological to your life, but instead, get rid of something.  The path to a higher world is found by getting rid of something useless that you now value as good and necessary.  This ridding process makes room for right thoughts and feelings and opens a door into a higher world.  Try it for yourself.



  1. Bryan on May 30, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Absolutely splendid! Doing nothing in response to negative externalities is like having a key to the whole ice cream shop!!

  2. Lisa Hunter on May 30, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    That is so simple that my mind wants to dismiss it.
    If you imagine it happening to someone else it makes perfect since. You can see the practicality of not letting what someone says effect you. Why should it? Only with our permission does any thought, rude comment, mood take us over. We do love to feel pain. We do love to get angry. We do think it’s necessary for our existence.
    I guess you could say it is necessary for our miserable self, but if we refuse to feed it ………..
    whats left is a happy nature.

  3. Rose on May 31, 2017 at 2:12 am

    My favorite thing about not responding is allowing the opportunity to learn something new about myself to arise. Finding answers through my own self knowledge always leads me back down the same miserable road, so when I am able to step back and allow something higher to come in it’s never something to fear or fight; it’s always good! This is an excellent reminder.

  4. Steve on May 31, 2017 at 2:22 am

    You can’t be Happy and Miserable at the same time, there is only room for one of them. So if we choose wisely, which is a no-brainer, we aren’t miserable which means we are happy. Now all we have to do is wait for the next chance to choose wisely. Relief!

  5. Carol on May 31, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    I used to love my sleepy life. Then it began to be such a burden as time after time I felt I let myself down. Now I love having this miserable false life because every minute of every day it gives me an abundant supply of wacky mind games to work on and see. Thank goodness for the Work and thank you God!!!

  6. Gina on June 2, 2017 at 2:27 am

    I love Murray’s statement: “Maybe you’re wrong about everything! What’s wrong with that?” I have always had a terrible aversion to being wrong, in the eyes of others, but even more so, in my own eyes As if I’d arisen on this planet – a perfect human being. There is so much pain in trying to make something different than it actually is. It is impossible! And how I’ve suffered needlessly and stupidly by hiding my wrongness from myself. And how I’ve prevented personal growth and development. I thank God everyday for allowing me to finally come to a place where it is ok and even right to be absolutely wrong. In this Truth, there is no suffering and pain as there was in my own self-deception!

  7. Steve on June 5, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    Hurray for the Truth, Hurray, Hurray, Hurray!!!

  8. Max on June 10, 2017 at 5:41 am

    False personality is always against the Work for self development and it can never be useful. We call it “I” and think it is behind all manifestations, when in reality it is an imaginary picture of ourselves. Work is struggle with false personality which will fight back, chiefly thru lying, for lying is it’s strongest weapon. In studying false personality we begin to see mechanicalness more and more. What’s real? Start by realizing that it is all false personality, then try to find out what is not. (Real). Work begins from the moment one realizes that ONE IS NOT. Also it must be remembered that false personality is often rather attractive or amusing, particularly for other people who live in their false personalities. So when you begin to lose your false personality, when you begin to struggle with it, people will not like you. They will tell you that you have become dull.
    ~P. D. Ouspensky


    Q. How can one tell what is NOT the false personality?
    Mr. Ouspensky: One thing the false personality cannot do is make EFFORTS. This is the easiest way to know, if you are in doubt. False personality always tries to make everything as easy as possible, always chooses what requires the least effort. But you must understand that you cannot learn anything or change anything without EFFORT.
    If you had permanent ‘I’, you would be able to remember yourself for 15 hours! …We have to learn we are too used to the unreal. We are identified with our imaginary picture of ourselves and it is a very dangerous form of identification.
    You can outgrow Miss B. ONLY FROM YOUR INTEREST IN THE SYSTEM, because real ‘I’ cannot grow from anything else.
    I repeat again–you must understand that false personality is a combination of all lies, features, and ‘i’s that can NEVER be useful in any sense, either in life or in Work—just like negative emotions.
    So, at first I said that you have to abstain from analysis and just OBSERVE, OBSERVE, OBSERVE, nothing more…time for analysis will come….
    Q. What is the origin of these artificial groups of ‘i’s (false personality).
    Mr. Ouspensky: They may be formed by imitation, desire to be original, to be attractive, to be admired by people and so on.
    ~P. D. Ouspensky

    • Gina on June 12, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      This is so great on many levels Max!! I love that we start to find the Real by observing the false, and if we begin with the premise that all we are is false, it becomes much easier to find that which shines thru as a singular
      and rare vestige of the True! It brings humility back, which has been so obscured by our belief in our acquired personalities, and our purported ‘goodness’. And that we are no longer attractive to a sick and insane society is all the more reason to lose this false nature…and fast!!

  9. Max on June 27, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    Have Cosmic Boldness. ~Murray Oxman
    (Short outline of his talk coz I have to hear it 10,000 times.)

    ~There’s a right way and a wrong way to approach life.
    ~If you let life run things you win, if you fight life you lose.
    ~You may have to hear the same thing, differently 10,000 times before it clicks.
    ~Refuse to be unhappy, it’s that simple. Refuse to go along with unhappiness.
    ~We love bad news. Seeing someone more miserable makes us feel better.
    ~Over and over, a million times, we have to be sick of the way we are.
    ~We don’t have to change life, just reactions to life.
    ~You change the world by changing your reaction to the world.
    ~Whose being poisoned? Negativity is the #1 killer. Not salt, sunlight or cholesterol.
    ~The only thing I can do is change the kind of human being I am.
    ~Life is really entertaining, if your honest and go to Work.
    ~We insist we know when we don’t. “You’re not going to make me say I’m wrong.”
    Just say you’re wrong and that would be the end of it!
    ~Wrong thinking is the problem. We’re conditioned and don’t know we’re conditioned.
    ~We are all the same. Everyone thinks they’re different than everybody else.
    ~Just see no one has to suffer. They suffer because they want to. It’s trash.

    • Lisa on June 29, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Hey Max! Thank you for that. What a relief to see the way that does not work. Only then, the higher part of me will allow the spirit of Truth to take over. Hah! I have to be reminded 10,000 times too! Let’s keep walking and keep these ideas close.;)

  10. Steve on June 29, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    If you want to know everything about people, then 1st begin to know everything about yourself. You will become the expert you always wanted to be. You will understand why that person reacted the way they did because you watched yourself do the same thing 6 months ago or 3 weeks ago. You won’t feel superior, but you will understand totally and you just might grow some compassion. The world presently has fields and fields of stress and distrust and hatred and discontent. Grow something nice instead.

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