This Tool Will Improve Your Life

by | Mar 29, 2023 | Personal Insights

Tool 6 — Look and Listen

There’s an old adage that suggests we should never judge someone until we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. This tool is about just that: looking at the situation from the other person’s viewpoint and really listening to what they have to say. It allows you to smooth bumpy relationships as you never before thought possible.

Here’s how it works. The next time you’re in a heated discussion with someone over something you feel is really important, deliberately pull in the reins on yourself. Slow down and look at the situation from the other person’s position, and listen to what they’re saying. Really do it! Get all of your wants, hurts, and anything else that could hinder your ability to think clearly out of
the way.

Now look at the situation as if you were the other person. Consider their wants, hurts, etc. Remember, the other person doesn’t know about these tools, so don’t expect him to consider you as you are considering him. That’s OK. You take the lead and make things right. If you do, you’ll be glad you did. Watch how all of your human relations greatly improve.


  1. Every time we do this exercise, the wrong part of us dies a little bit.

    • And people can feel so honored to be truly listened to (a rarity). This in itself can be a rich experience that softens and heals both parties.

      • Good point, John!

  2. Life is a blank canvas, and everyone paints what they want on this canvas. So if you observe yourself painting unpleasant gloomy subjects, all you have to do is not paint unpleasant gloomy subjects. It all begins with you. When you self-correct your relationship with yourself, your outer relationships change. Sure, that person might be a problem, but he doesn’t need to become your problem. You will be able to listen to anyone and not be a victim of their sad story. Instead of judging them, you will let understanding them come to you. These answers and approaches may seem strange at first, but they work and brighten your life like nothing else. Listening is a developed skill and is needed in this world.

  3. Murray Oxman got tough with himself in regard to giving up his silliness. He wouldn’t let himself get away with it and wouldn’t let you do the same. He was serious about his life and yet very light-hearted. The world has gone crazy and mad with all its demands and laws. His message to everyone was you can live in this world but live a sane life by making personal discoveries about your nature. When you truly understand yourself, nobody becomes a problem to you. Nobody. How would you like a life that was problem free? How you react to life’s daily challenges is much, much more important than one would think. You can develop a part of you that handles everything with ease and Murray will show you how with this inspiring short-read handbook. I have tried it and it works. I will never return to my former self, that spent his days riddled with problems and painful worry.


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